


As real as you want it

by xalias



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hallucinations, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Laith, Lance isn't real, M/M, Major Character Injury, klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-18 18:58:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14858409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xalias/pseuds/xalias
Summary: After crash-landing on a sandy planet, Keith struggles to get back to his team.With his ship totaled, things aren't looking good, until Lance shows up.But Lance is acting weird, and Keith is left walking in circles, and he's not sure he's ever going to make it off this planet alive.





	As real as you want it

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have any explanation for this other than I was rewatching the trails of marmora episode and I am klance trash.

* * *

* * *

 

 

The smell of acrid smoke is what woke him up. The last of the flames having yet to die out from Keith's mangled ship. The taste of dust and blood on his tongue made him cringe. I'm dead. Keith thought. If it wasn't for the way the smoke burned his lungs or the dull ache behind his eyes, he probably would've believed it. Dying then, he settled for.

He couldn't see at first. When he opened his eyes, it was to a fuzzy image of darkness, the small flames being the only source of light around him. Keith couldn't feel his lower body, so he was unaware of exactly how bad the metal debris had sliced him up. Unaware of the way his own blood was pooling around him.

The pale light of morning illuminated most of the damage, and Keith was able to see exactly what he was dealing with. As he sat up, he could see where a piece of shrapnel had embedded itself into his calf. He could see his clothes darkened with his own blood, and he allowed himself to slip back into unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

When Keith woke up again, it was to a blue sky and a world of pain. He forced himself to sit up, to assess the situation, to adapt. He tried not to cry out, his core protesting with each twist of his pulled muscles. He brushed away the broken glass that fell forward as he sat up. His ship was totaled, that much is obvious. It lied about 30 feet away, scorched in all its glory. He'd lost a wing and a half in the crash. The left side was almost completely gone, and the windshield has a gaping hole in it, just big enough for Keith to have been thrown out of.

Keith didn't really remember what happened. He remembered the battle, the way the Galra had been closing in on him. He remembered hearing the shouts of his ex-teammates as they tried to warm him of the attacks coming his way. He remembered the sound of the flashing alarms, blaring about the danger he was in. How difficult it was like to try to get his ship steady while it was missing a wing... And now he was here. On this vast sandy planet, as far as he could see was flat land, save for the dense forests in the distance.

Keith knew he needed to move, needed to find shelter, water, and do something about his leg before it got any worse.

Keith tore at the fabric around his arm until it ripped into a long ribbon. He took a few queasy breaths as he looked at the mess of his left leg. He tried to pry away the fabric from the wound, felling his limbs shaking with the pain.

"Okay," Keith said, blowing out a long breath as he gripped the jagged piece of metal. "Okay, okay." He sucked in a deep breath, and then with as much force as he could muster, he pulled it from his calf. As soon as it was out, Keith tossed it aside. He tried very hard not to focus on the blood coating his fingers. Or the way it seemed to be gushing from his wound even faster. His dry mouth slick with saliva, and without a second warning, Keith was gagging into the dirt next to him. When the nausea had finally passed, he flopped back down and allowed the dark spots to take him into a deep sleep.

 

* * *

 

The third time he awoke, it was to a purple sunset. His head was throbbing, his leg burning. He could see that his bandage was soaked, and he knew that he needed to do something before he died out here.

Keith rolled over, trying very hard to keep weight off of his left leg, but he fell down to his knees as soon as he'd gotten up. He took a deep breath trying to hold onto consciousness. He wasn't going to let the spots in his vision pull him back into sleep. He'd slept enough, and now it was time to move.

"Okay, you got this..." He told himself, and with a deep inhale, forced himself to his feet. He swayed a bit, feeling the bit of nausea threaten him again, but he was steady. He took a few careful steps forward, and when he didn't go crashing down into the dirt, he took a breath of relief.

As he began to make his way over to the forest, he allows himself to indulge in the memories of his friends. Shiro, Hunk, Pidge, Lance, even Coran, and Allura.

He wondered how long he'd been here, days at least. Possibly weeks, months... He knew the Blade wouldn't come for him. That's not who they were, not how they worked, but he thought that his friends would have. They must have thought he was dead if they hadn't, but then again, it wasn't like he was apart of Voltron anymore. He'd given up his position so that Shiro could bond with the Black Lion, and the last thing he wanted to do was to kick Lance out of red. He was on his own here, just like he had been back on Earth.

If Keith really thought about it, he could see how things could have been different if he'd never left Voltron. Sure, maybe he wouldn't have had a lion to pilot, but he could have flown one of the fighters, could've still contributed to battle strategy's, if one of them got hurt, he could step in if he needed too... It's not that he didn't like working with the Blade of Marmora. It was only that he wasn't needed there as much as he had been as a paladin. It was strange that in all the things that had happened, he still ended up alone in the end.

"KEITH!"

Keith stopped, trying to keep his breathing as quiet as possible. He kept his ears trained on the sound in the distance. He was sure he had heard someone yelling, almost positive it had been his name. But he couldn't be sure... Delusion could've been setting in. It had to have been a couple days since he last ate or drank, and Keith didn't think the pain shooting up his leg was helping him focus.

"Keith!" He heard again, only this time it was closer, and he swore he recognized who it belonged to...

"Lance?" Keith asked, his voice too quiet for anyone besides himself to hear. He cleared his throat and yelled, "Lance! I'm here!"

"Keith?" And then Lance was pushing his way through the vines, smile wide, eyes bright, "Aha! I knew I'd find you!" Lance yelled waving his arms around, smile wide. Keith let out a sigh of relief.

"Lance, oh thank god." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Man, you don't look so good," He said giving him a once-over, and Keith scoffed.

"I don't feel so good either,"

Lance held the vines back so it was easier for Keith to pass through them and then ran ahead to lead the way. "Come on, Let's go home."

 

* * *

 

Lance led him deeper into the forest. Keith figured, the others much have landed on the other side of the thick foliage. all this time, they'd just been a little too far away to reach.

"How did you find me?" Keith asked.

"We've been searching for days," Lance said turning around so he was walking backward. "We saw you go down during the fight and got here as soon as we could." He turned back around with a hop, picking up the pace, as Keith struggled to keep up.

"Well, I hate to say it but I've never been so happy to see you in my life." He said as he carefully maneuvered around thick tree roots, trying to ignore the burning pull in his leg. He'd be back on the castleship soon and they could stick him in a pod. The faster he moved, the sooner he could get the medical attention he desperately needed.

"Oh, yeah," Lance scoffed with a laugh. "Don't worry, Keith. You don't have to say it, I know you love me." He said turning around to give him a quick wink. The sight had Keith stumbling. He felt his ears burning. He looked up to see Lance further up on the path.

"Lance, hold on," Keith called to him, limping along to catch up.

"We should be getting pretty close," Lance told him once Keith caught up.

"Good, my leg-. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going."

Lance glanced down, a deep from on his face. He looked back up and gave Keith an encouraging smile. "Hang in there, okay?" Keith nodded.

"Yeah, 'course."

Lance nodded, accepting Keith's answer, and then turned leading Keith deeper into the forest.

 

* * *

 

"Lance... I thought you said we were getting close." Keith complained, limping along. He'd broken into a sweat, despite the coolness of his skin. He really hoped he wasn't getting sick, or that infection was setting in...

"It is, trust me!" Lance called behind him.

"We've been walking for hours... My leg, I need a minute."

"Keep up, we're almost there!" He said. but Keith couldn't keep up. He needed to stop. His leg was in too much pain. No matter how much he wanted to get back to the others, he knew if he kept this up, he wouldn't make it.

"Lance, wait!" He reached for his shoulder to stop him, but his hand went straight through it and Keith was on the ground.

"What-."

Lance turned then, expression blank on his face as he looked down at Keith.

"I wish you hadn't done that." He said regretfully as he flickered in and out, his image glitching away in spots until he was whole again.

"You-. You're-." Keith stammered.

"You thought I was actually him? Take a look at yourself, dude. You remember what Kolivan said about your suit, right?"

His suit. Keith looked at his hand that he'd touched Lance with "My suit..." Keith repeated, and he sulked into the ground, groaning. "No..." He groaned. He could hear Kolivan's words clear as day, that his suit had the ability to create powerful hallucinations when he experienced great emotion... "No... You're not real."

"Oh, come on, Keith. Don't look so sad, it's not like he ever would have found you anyway."  
Keith grit his teeth together, pushing himself up to his feet again. The pain threatened to pull him back down, but he knew as soon as he gave in, he was dead. Keith wasn't going to let himself die alone, not here.

"Shut up," Keith snapped.

"You welcomed my talking two minutes ago."

"For hours... we've been walking. For- for nothing! I could've been-."

"Doing what exactly? Your ship is beyond repair, you know that."

"It doesn't matter! I could've gotten the communications board working again, or found someone to help me or-."

"Oh, now that's just sad." Lance said, "You lie to yourself about this kind of stuff too..."

"Get away from me!" Keith yelled, through his hands through Lance's image. He flickered in and out again, but despite Keith's effort, became whole a few seconds later.

"I'm a projection from your mind, Keith. You make me go away."

"Fine!" Keith bite out.

He pushed the image of Lance disappearing through his mind. Imagined Lance disintegrating into nothing, but the hallucination didn't budge. After a minute Lance looked down examining himself.

"I don't think it's working," Lance pointed out.

"Just-Just get away from me," Keith said, forcing himself to walk in the other direction.

"Oh, now where are you going?" Lance complained.

"I'm going to find water, and shelter, and food." Keith listed. "What I should have been doing this whole time," He glanced back, seeing Lance following him. He stopped short, and Lance skidded on his heels to avoid crashing into Keith.

"I told you to leave me alone."

Lance blinked at him. "Whose to say I'm also not headed in this direction, separate from you?" Lance asked. Keith rolled his eyes.

"God, you're even more annoying than the real Lance." He said, turning back, he limped back the way they had come, towards his broken ship.

"Hey, I resent that!" Lance called after him, but Keith ignored him.

 

* * *

 

  
Night had fallen, and despite the heat of the morning sun, the chill of the darkness had set into the ground. It was slowly, but surely creeping its way into Keith's bones. He had managed to make something of a shelter, it was mostly leaves woven together to create something to keep the wind out. Though he didn't think it was actually doing much. The fire was cracking down on its last embers. The light left was only enough to illuminate Lance's hunched form, still sitting stubbornly across from Keith.

Lance had been going on, and on about something that Keith didn't allow himself to pay any attention to. The minute he indulged in this vision of Lance was the minute he would die. He couldn't let himself get distracted. He caught keywords here and there, Hunk this, and My mom that... He briefly wondered if there was any truth to the words he was saying, or if they were just things made up by Keith's brain.

Keith didn't pretend not to know why it seemed his subconscious wanted to see Lance so much. He'd been lying to himself about it for so long now, that this was a big enough wake-up call that he couldn't ignore his feelings much longer. He was going to die out here, and Lance would never know how he felt, what a great pilot Keith thought he was, that he was happy that he could call Lance his friend. That was enough, that had always been enough to Keith.

"So you're just going to keep on ignoring me, huh?" Lance asked finally with a sigh. Keith spared him one glare, before tucking his thoughts of Lance away, and focusing in on his wound.

He carefully unwrapped his leg, trying to keep his cries at bay by chewing his cheek. He's not sure who he was hiding it from. This Lance? Who wasn't even real? Who was nothing more than a hallucination from Keith's own mind?

"That looks pretty bad," Lance commented.

Keith didn't pay any attention to him. He began rewrapping it with bits of fabric that he'd cut away from his suit. When he finished, he sat back with a sigh.

"Oh yeah, ignore me, just like you ignore your feelings," Lance snapped. Keith startled at Lance's tone, opening his eyes again.

"Can you just... stop talking?" He asked.

"You can't pretend I'm not here forever. You're the one keeping me here, so you could at least acknowledge my presence."

"Noted. Acknowledged. Goodnight." Keith said, turning over.

"I know you like me, Keith," Lance said instead. Keith sat up at that. He fixed Lance with a look. Because no matter how true that might have been, this was not Lance.

"You're not him."

"No," Lance agreed. "But you wish I was."

 

* * *

 

  
Morning came and with it, the heat. The air was thick enough to choke on, and Keith knew that with that kind of humidity came rain.

He had made it back to the crash site where what was left of his ship remained undisturbed. A small part of him felt deflated. He knew it was wishful thinking, but part of him was expecting to find his friends here waiting for him. He would come out to the clearing and they'd all jump up at the mere sight of him.

"Hey! Keith! We knew you'd circle back here, how's that leg?" or  
"Keith! Thank god, we thought you were dead someone!"

"Still looking grim?" Keith startled back. Lance had appeared again, standing right next to him looking out to the crash site. Keith pulled himself away from Lance and went to the ship.

He carefully pulled himself inside, setting himself down into the pilot's seat.

Lance appeared in Keith's peripheral vision, leaning next to the broken window.

"So, what're you doing in there?" He asked, peering inside. Keith sighed.

"I'm trying to see if the communications board is completely fried, or if I can salvage it," Keith explained. "If I can someone get it back online, I'll be able to contact someone, let them know I'm still alive."  
Keith said. He typed away, trying every access code, every override Pidge had taught him, silently begging something to get it to turn on.

"What if they don't come?"

"They will," Keith said. He knew they would. Despite him leaving them, and not being the leader they needed while Shiro was gone, they never once turned their backs on him. As long as Keith was breathing, he knew they would come for him.

With a groan of defeat, Keith slid out from the ship. The board wasn't as destroyed as he had been expecting. If he could just get a power source connected to the mainframe, then he would be able to send out a distress call.

"What?" Lance asked, appearing next to him. "No luck?"

"It's not bad," Keith said, "But I need power."

"And how are you going to do that?" Lance asked, leaning against the side of the ship. "You don't have a lot of resources here. Too bad you don't have one of the lions..."

Keith ignored the pang in his heart at Lance's words. If he had the red lion or even the black lion he would have probably been back with his friends by now. But the fact was that he had given that all up long ago, and it wasn't going to do him any good wishing that he'd never left, no matter how much the thought seemed to plague his mind.

"Yeah, well..." Keith bit out, "I'll figure something out."

Lance blew out a whistle. "Better get a move on, those clouds are getting closer, you don't have a whole lot of sunlight left." Keith perked up.

"Sunlight." He said to himself. He limped around his ship in search of scrap metal that he could use. He carefully lugged some wide scraps over back to the front of the ship, careful not to cut his hands on the jagged edges.

"What are you doing?"

"What does," Keith said, between breaths as he pulled the metal forward. "it look like?" It was alarming at how such a small task was taking his breath away so quickly. His leg wasn't getting any better, and he didn't think it would unless he got proper medical attention. Just a little longer, he told himself.

It wasn't the first time Keith had thought he was going to die. He'd stared death straight in the eye before and gotten away mostly unscratched. He would be okay. He had to be okay.

"It looks likes you're collecting trash," Lance pointed out from his place against the ship.

"I'm going to build a solar panel." Keith explained, "If I can get it connected to the hard drive, then I can get communications up, and then-."

"You can call the others," Lance finished for me, Keith nodded.

"Exactly." He said dropping the metal paneling down. He let out a huff, swiping his arm across his forehead. He looked at the clouds in the distance. He needed to get this up and running before the sun disappeared behind them.

"You know, this is seriously something Pidge would do, maybe leaving the math to her wasn't such good advice."

Keith froze at those words. It was strange that this Lance seemed to know everything, but then again this Lance was a projection of Keith's own mind. It made sense that he would know these things. But still, it seemed wrong, just a little bit off to hear him talk about Pidge so candidly.

"Pidge isn't here," Keith said sharply. Lance shrugged. He either hadn't picked up on Keith's shortness or didn't care.

"No, I am..."

"Yeah, and what are you going to do? You're me."

"No, I'm Lance." Keith rolled his eyes.

"I mean you're just a projection from my mind. You don't know anything I don't know."

"Wrong again," Lance said, he crouched down to where Keith was sitting, fiddling with the scraps to get them to stay together. "I know what you won't admit to yourself,"

Keith grit his teeth together. He shouldn't let Lance get under his skin like this. Not when he was already working on borrowed time. He needed to focus.

"I don't have time for this, Lance," Keith said. He stood again, swaying a bit, but caught himself before he could topple into the sand. Lance sucked in a harsh breath.

"You're getting worse," Lance pointed out.

"I know. Which is why I don't need you distracting me," Keith snapped. He brought the paneling over and balances it against the ship, angling it so that it would catch the sun.

He spared a glance over his shoulder and saw that Lance had seemingly disappeared. He blew out a sigh of relief and continued on.

Keith moved back inside the ship. He tugged the wire he had connected to the paneling to the communications board. He pulled at the wires beneath it and began trying to spark them.

 

* * *

 

  
"Come on," Keith hummed to himself. He'd been at it for so long down, his fingers we trembling. "Come, _on!"_ He hissed. He dropped them, sinking back into his chair. He let out a frustrated breath, rubbing his eyes.

He felt a drop of water hit his cheek. He opened his eyes and saw that the dark clouds had finally reached him.

"No," Keith said, He bent down, picking up the wires, and even though he knew it was no use, he tried desperately to get them to spark. "No, no, _no!"_  he yelled, and then he was crying. Because for the first time, he thought that he might actually die out here. He might never get to see any of his friends again. And that's when it hits him that they're the closest thing Keith has had to a family in years, and he can't bear to lose them like this.

"Crying isn't going to save your ass."

And Keith couldn't help it. He shoved at Lance's form next to him, knowing full well it wouldn't do anything. Lance reformed just out of reach.

"Whoa, calm down!" Lance cried, holding his hands up in defense.

"I am not in the mood for this" Keith snapped.

"Why do you always push people away?" Lance countered, "Do you really think you have to do everything yourself all the time?"

Keith shook his head at him.

"What good can you do? You're nothing but some hologram!"

"That's just rude," Lance pointed out.

"Just, please, Lance." Keith pleaded, resting his head in his hands. "Leave me alone."

"You know, you assume that he could never be who you need him to be," Lance said casually, and Keith froze. He could fell him getting closer, and he didn't dare look up. "He could love you too."

"Shut. up." Keith bit out. He could feel himself shaking, feel his blood bubbling up to his cheeks.

"Aren't you a little curious?" Lance asked gently, "Don't you want to know what it would be like to kiss him?"

And despite everything in his mind screaming at him to ignore Lance, Keith looked up. Lance was right in front of him, his face was all hard lines and angles in this light, but his eyes were so welcoming, like greeting an old friend. And then they were closing, and Lance was leaning closer and Keith knew that he wasn't real, knows this isn't Lance, but he swears he can feel his breath on his cheeks, feel the warmth of his skin... Keith lunged away.

He jumped out of his ship and into the steady fall of rain. It was so much colder than it had been moments before. Keith turned around, but Lance was gone, and it was like he'd never been there in the first place.

 

* * *

 

The sun was back, shining down on Keith's burning skin but he made no effort to move. Days had passed, and no matter how hard he tried, nothing he seemed to do was working. Leave the math to Pidge... He thought with a humorless laugh that turned into a cough. He hacked into the dirt, his chest tightening up and restricting his air flow with each desperate attempt at a breath.

He flopped back down and he laid there, squinting into the sun.

He might as well have been dead, the minute he crash landed here he was dead, and he was done denying it.

Lance hadn't shown up in a while, not since Keith had almost given into him. Keith was completely alone now, just as he always had been. He closed his eyes against the sun, focusing on the red rings that flashed behind his eyes.

  
"You know you're dying, right?" 

  
Keith chuckled slightly, head turning slightly to see Lance laying on the ground next to him. 

"Yeah, I know," Keith said. He swallowed hard, ignoring the bits of sand that had somehow gotten into his mouth.

"And you're just going to give in? You're not even going to try to get back to them?" Lance demanded.

"I did try," Keith pointed out with a sigh of annoyance.

"You can't give up. They're looking for you." 

'And how do you know that?" Keith asked. He wasn't sure why Lance was so determined to spike Keith's motivation now when he'd lost all hope.

"Because you do," Lance said, "They're the closest thing you have to a family, and they wouldn't just let you die here." 

"If you were really him..." Keith said, ignoring his comment. But then he shook away the thought. This wasn't Lance no matter how bad he wanted him to be. 

"I'm not." Lance pointed out as if reading his mind.  

"Just for once, let me pretend..." Keith said, "I'd tell you that I care a lot more than I want to about you." Keith said.

"Don't say goodbye," Lance said.

"That's all you have to say now?" Keith asked. He waited for a response, but none came. He turned looking to see that Lance had disappeared.

"Ha..." Keith said, turning to pain, "Figures..." 

He let out a breath, but when he tried to inhale, the air clattered around his throat, refusing to go into his lungs. He sputtered and coughed, and grasped at the grains of sand below him, and then, darkness overcame him.

 

* * *

 

  
"-EITH!"

 

"Don't die on me now! Not now!"

 

"You come back!"

 

Keith sputtered back into consciousness with a gasp. He bolted up, crying out at the pain in his chest, he swiped at his lips which were covered in some kind of wetness.

"Whoa, whoa, take it easy, okay?" Lance said. His hand was an anchor on Keith's back, gently holding him upright. It was such a small touch, but it felt like so much more to Keith.

"Lance?" Keith managed to say, "that really you?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's me. I got you okay? You're going to be fine." Lance said gently, and Keith didn't think his voice could have ever sounded like that.

"I thought I was a goner," Keith said candidly. Lance laughed a bit.

"Yeah, so did we. We lost tracking on you, if it weren't for red, you would've been waiting a whole lot longer.." Not that you had that much time...

"Red...?" Keith repeated.

"She kinda freaked out, I was circling this planet looking for signs of you, and she took over. She led me right to you." Lance explained with a fond glance at the lion in front of them.

"But, she's your lion," Keith stated.

"I may fly here, but you'll always be her number one." Lance said, "Plus I think she knew that we'd be lost without you... You're family, and well... It would've been hard if we lost you, okay?" Lance said.

And just like that, Lance had confirmed everything Keith had felt down to his bones, they'd never stopped looking, never given up hope. His place was with them, paladin or not, this was his family, and he would never leave them again.

"Lance, I want to stay with you guys. I don't want to be away from you anymore," Keith said weakly. Lance nodded, a smile on his face.

"Yeah? Okay. Okay, Keith." He said nodding frantically, and Keith could've sworn he saw tears welling up in his eyes. "Let's go home."

 

* * *

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this lil piece of angst c: I haven't edited this as much as I should have so i'll probably come back to it asap


End file.
